Music, me and FASD

Have you ever been in a mixed-emotion mood or don't know what to do with the thoughts that are drowning your head that are unipositive and annoying? Well for me I do, I listen to music, now as I said in previous blog posts, not everything that works for me works for you, yet over time I have found this really helps me.  I use music with different genres to express my emotions and moods to myself, especially listening carefully to the lyrics to find the story behind the song. Memorizing and reading lyrics is so soothing and calming for me.  Like I pull up a song from about 6 or even 7 years ago and  I'll remember it, word for word. Some songs I find can be triggering when I listen to them because it has some relatable message that is affecting my life right now or is relevant to my past. Some lyrics really make me think and uncover emotions I do not always understand and  I'll just sit there and cry as I try to figure things out. I am not saying go make yourself cry, but there are times I need a release from the emotions I have bottled up inside. Crying can release the natural feel-good drug (oxytocin) and it may take a load off my shoulders not holding in those negative emotions. Look it up crying does help and releases a pile of natural feel good  remedies from your own body. In my experience holding every thing in just makes emotions worse and more irritable holding onto negative feelings and music is my release. 

School is a tough place to get people to understand music helps me. Music helps me drown out the noise of class which can be so distracting and throw me off when trying to do my work. Yet some teachers understand and respect what I tell them while others think I am just goofing off. Yet take my music away and I eventually fall apart in school as it is a coping strategy that really works for me. My music and my phone can appear to be a distraction and they are at times if I am honest, but they help me cope. What people never understand is if I am on my phone or listening to music and unable to listen to a song it is because I am too far gone to be able to cope, that my school accommodations are not working. I can listen to music in class, then go to do my work with my music drowning out all the other noise working away quite well on my work, when I feel understood. Yet if my accommodations are not working  and I get overwhelmed I will fidget with my phone, skip song after song unable to listen to a full song just trying to find anything that can distract my mind from  being upset. 

My music is not working as good as it used to, yet I am still in the top 10 percent of Spotify listeners for the amount of music I listen to.  I have been seeking help for my mental health but so far many of the services have sucked as my issues are not that simple. Then I time out of services when things are only getting started or I am on a waiting list forever. Then try and get help that understands adoption, child abuse, FASD, PTSD, attachment disorder and so much more and that is really tough. Then the first thing that is often mentioned is medication which is fine but medication often only masks the problem, then even more frustrating is being offered nothing but medication. Without real understanding and mental health supports, school and community support it is hard to get better. Yet something like my music can help so much but I always have to fight for it. Each one of us is different and music works for me, and I know there will be other things that work for others but why we have to justify what works for us makes it really frustrating. I just wish there was a bit more understanding  in the world for our individual strategies and accommodations we need in life.

Thanks,

Shelby