Music as a tool to my response from trauma and FASD

Music as a tool to my response from trauma and FASD seems an odd title as I have written how music helps me so much to regulate and frees my mind to be able to accomplish more important things in my life, but read on and you will understand. Music has always been important to me since I was very young and in my birth home. Yet it was in the birth home that my love of music started. I had an old little black radio with chrome speakers, and had a antennae that had to pointed just right to hear anything, but static.  I used to listen to that little radio to  drown out the noise of what ever horrible things were going on. That could be fights, drug deals gone wrong, my birth mom being beaten up, my little brother being hurt or crying he was so hungry and lonely locked away in a darkened room and ignored. There were so many things I just did not want to hear and my little radio and the music it played was my escape. 

This love of music carried on all through my birth home, my placements in foster care and on to when I was adopted. Then when I was adopted my love of music only grew and grew as I would use it to regulate and calm myself, especially in school. Music would drown out the noise of life or all the other students allowing me to do my work and regulate well enough to learn. Of course this would only happen when allowed to use music in school as it was very inconsistent being allowed to put on my headphones and work. Even now when  overwhelmed I still turn to music as I find it so soothing and helpful. It does not matter if at school, home or anywhere, music is my release, always has been and likely always will be, music and I have been very special friends for years.
I find music with a good beat or lyrics can be so helpful even if I end up crying if the lyrics have meaning to me and my life as it was before, or is now.  I wish I could remember better back to my birth home to know if lyrics were important to me then, but I find as I age the memories of my birth home are fading. It is odd though that those memories can be retrieved by a song, a sound, a scent or the oddest things that doesn't make sense but brings back a flood of memories that sometimes are hard to deal with. At one time those memories could be very distressing to me, I could end up panicking in full PTSD mode, overwhelmed and sometimes full of terror that I may or may not understand at the time. There are times now I can't explain my feelings to myself but I find if I go to my play list I can find a song that explains my feelings to me as I listen and have time to think about the words and what is bothering me.

Funny how I can try and explain music's value to me, this to everyday people, professionals, teachers, principals and more but the response can be so hit and mis that they understand music's importance to me. Even though it is well documented that music is a helpful strategy to support those with FASD. Big surprise if I do not answer you when I have my head phones on,  I am not being disrespectful, my headphones are noise cancelling for a reason. Yet I will admit when you start treating me without respect you will get the same disrespect back I am so fed up with the lack of respect for the accommodations I need to succeed being taken away from me. This is a battle for all of us with FASD and disabilities in general that we are not listened to. Seems that because my parents or I do not have some sort of degree attached to our name we don't know what we are talking about. Yet surprisingly those same people who have those degrees and are listened to so intently when supporting a child that is not their own, yet will be ignored when they are there to support their own child as a parent. There seems to be a prejudice against the disabled and parents that needs to stop if those of us with disabilities are to have a fair chance to have our best lives possible.  Don't write me off as disabled and decide what I can do in life till I am allowed to try and see what I can accomplish with proper support and accommodations. Yes the professionals can offer support, yes they can suggest strategies that may be helpful, and the professionals deserve respect, but that respect needs to work both ways. So for all it is worth as a 17 year old, that is the way I see things. So as there becomes more awareness and respect about FASD, trauma, PTSD, disabilities and our abilities, kids like myself and our families will not have to fight so damn hard to get the help and understanding we need to succeed.

Thanks for dropping by.
Shelby