My Mom (To all the adoptive moms dealing with family and FASD)

 My mom oh boy, I have lots to say about this woman whether it's good or bad I have a lot to say. We have our differences, we may not always agree and we may get into screaming matchings that drive dad nuts, leaving him begging for us to stop. Yet it's just our way to show that we love each other and we care in our own FASD way, it took me a long time to figure that out, even if at times it hurts. You know Mom, if I did not take the time to scream at you and ignored you, it would mean I did not care about you. Thank you for always trying to be there for me and letting me have a shoulder to cry on. Putting up with my bullshit, or even coming to get me from school when I had trouble or had a bad day that I could not cope. I am especially sorry for all the stupid questions you would get from all the professionals when Wayne and I had trouble and you would get asked again and again if there were problems at home. Home was the only place safe for Wayne and I and everything wrong had to be a problem at home when it was people not understanding FASD and trauma who were hurting us.

You have no idea how important to me you are. I feel so bad for you after waiting for all those years trying to have children, losing baby after baby, miscarriage after miscarriage, adopting and finding out both your children have FASD. Then to have to understand your own problems were caused by your own FASD must have sucked. Yet you would be my momma bear, talking to principals, doctors, children's aid and so many more people when inside you must have been struggling, that must have been really tough and scary I know how scary it is for me to speak up but you never backed down. I know how you feel to be ignored, and left out because you have FASD  when if people just gave you a chance you are really smart. I would like to see any of those so-called professionals with all their stupid advice try to raise 2 traumatized kids with FASD. Then raising two traumatized kids with FASD when you have it yourself just shows how tough you are. I am really sorry for the hell I have put you through all these years, it has been tough we are both kind of stubborn which can make life difficult for us.

No one should ever judge a parent who adopts children if they haven't adopted, you are the most special people in the world. You open your heart to children who are often hurting and get no real help, you take on society's problems and try to make things right when no one else will, just look how many kids in the foster system need homes. You sit up with us, clean us, feed us,  listen to our birth home stories, our stories of abuse and lose your friends cause your kids seem to be crazy. Then have a lippy kid as your daughter, who only seems to disrespect you and never gives you a chance or a break. I don't want to be mean to you it just comes out that way sometimes, I am just having a bad day and I hope you know that same as I understand you have bad days as well and your FASD does not help. For all the adoptive moms out there, I want to say sorry from all of us adoptive kids,  we love you just sometimes we hurt too much to say or show it.

Love,

Shelby