FASD In School When Someone In Power Doesn't Get It

I had a really bad day a few weeks ago, I have been having a lot of bad days lately, each day getting worse, things building up inside me where I know I will have a major meltdown soon. I can't say people at school haven't been warned how bad things can get, but do they listen, wait till a desk goes flying. These really bad days I find I just can't cope, out of class, lots of trips to the washroom, sitting outside in the rain trying to hold it together, a truck drives by hits a puddle, and my clothes are soaked, what next. A lot of my really good supports are still with me in school but when you get just 1 or 2 bad people who do not understand FASD all that good support gets wiped out. 

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, I am so tired from trying,  trying in class, trying to hold it together, trying to stay in class, trying to keep my marks up, trying to make good choices, trying to choose good friends who understand me for who I am. Yet when I struggle in class or just can't cope and walk the halls punishment becomes the strategy used with me like I am struggling on purpose. I don't need to be punished, I need a friend, I need those few people in power to shut up and listen to me.

I have said what's wrong, my parents have said what's wrong, those really good school supports I have understand me, they try to talk to those in power who don't listen but I am still being punished. I am called out of class, called to the office, my name is called out over the PA system for everyone to hear, and the one thing I need to cope and keep my marks up is taken away from me. Imagine this but when I have trouble coping in class I go to the resource room to do my work, it's quiet, the staff are super people, they understand me.  The times I get distracted and get off task they remind me to get back to work but in a nice way.  Then those days I can't hold it together they are there for me and when I  cry they really care and try to understand. I love everyone in the resource room they have taken the time to learn who I am and how to support me. The problem is I am becoming so upset I am even having meltdowns with the people in the resource room. I treated one of them the other day so badly I cried at home for over an hour.  I was so upset, when I finally stopped crying I ask my parents if I should be put in the hospital and institutionalized for a while just to have a rest, I can't take this anymore.

Yet continue to yell at me to get back to work, talk to me with attitude when you call me to the office, and  I can guarantee you that you will get nothing back but 3 times attitude and my big swearing mouth. I am a survivor, I went through things as a kid no one should go through, I was taken from my birth family for a reason, because of that just the tone of your voice can set me off. I do not fully understand why, somehow I rarely feel safe it is likely my PTSD, but mix that with my FASD and I am unable to control my emotions. Then I get yelled at when I am crying and trying to get away, trying to get to somewhere so I can calm down and be safe. Then if I get upset and yell back I am supposed to apologize to everyone, at no point does anyone see I am upset and apologize to me that they should not have yelled at me, what's with that?  

I have FASD, I have an invisible disability, good chance I work 3 times harder than most people in my class, that the classwork I knew so well Monday could be gone on Wednesday and I need to start all over, I can not listen and take notes I don't hear the words, school is not fun it is really hard, but people in power not understanding is making it harder. Without proper supports in school, I won't make it in life, I will never get to my goals for my future all because a person or 2 in power does not get FASD and punishes me rather than helps me, I call that abuse. When the anxiety builds up, my mental health falls apart, and no matter how much my good supports in school try they can not help me. Kinda sad to think 1 or 2 people in power who do not understand FASD can destroy my life. At least now in Ontario there are FASD Key Workers, my parents know lots of FASD activists, there are FASD support groups, but why do such smart school people in power have to be educated that they are hurting me and others like me. I belong in school I deserve the opportunity to succeed, so I carry on and hope someday those people in power shut up for a change and listen to at least one of us, I am not the only one this is happening to in school.


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