My Journey Through Trauma, PTSD While Living With FASD

 I have not written in so long again, life has not been kind and I have been trying to look after myself. I have so much started for my blog, and just as much not finished. I try to write and some how I feel enormous shame, that I am such a mess and I can not think to write. I was to write how grade 11 ended as things were not going too well and my school team was struggling so much to support me with so little understanding of FASD and what that support would be like to give me real help any of us with FASD deserve. I can't say they did not try, but they really do not understand FASD or coregulation and then things really started to fall apart after I was raped. No one could help me including myself, being violated  in that way is so personal and leaves you with feelings I am still trying to come to terms with. I ended up putting myself into a program away from school where I could get a quieter environment, away from all the questions about what had happened to me.  Yet...

Have you ever been in a mixed-emotion mood or don't know what to do with the thoughts that are drowning your head that are unipositive and annoying? Well for me I do, I listen to music, now as I said in previous blog posts, not everything that works for me works for you, yet over time I have found this really helps me.  I use music with different genres to express my emotions and moods to myself, especially listening carefully to the lyrics to find the story behind the song. Memorizing and reading lyrics is so soothing and calming for me.  Like I pull up a song from about 6 or even 7 years ago and  I'll remember it, word for word. Some songs I find can be triggering when I listen to them because it has some relatable message that is affecting my life right now or is relevant to my past. Some lyrics really make me think and uncover emotions I do not always understand and  I'll just sit there and cry as I try to figure things out. I am not saying go make yourself cry, ...